Prerequisites

So here would be a list for those of you who fancy me to consider abiding by.

SPACE
I require a good bit of space. Meaning, if you're in the mood to snuggle, chances are, I'm probably in the mood for a warm bath behind a locked door. If you're in the mood for some romantic sex, chances are, I'm in the mood for some finger banging. If you're in the mood to go to Home Depot to look at power tools, chances are, as long as I can fill the cart with air freshners and plants from the garden department, I'll go with you.

MOODS
I have some serious mood swings. As you can tell, I am on quite a heavy dose of any given prescriptive anti-psychotic at any given time. Without these, you should take cover and hide from me. If I am unhappy, do not pity me. Instead, blow me off and I will come running like a puppy for a treat. If I am manic and wild acting, offer me some alcohol or a downer. You may have to fake a panic attack to get the pills I need from YOUR doctor, but whatever for your girlfriend in the name of love, right?

APPETITE
On a normal day, I eat a couple times a day. My main diet consists of various pills and coffee and cigarrettes, however, sometimes I need substance and am forced to eat. Feed me from the following food groups and you should be able to maintain a harmony with you and I, and my restrictive diet; Sushi, Orange smoothies from QT, candy, chocolate, crab rangoon, thai, and occasionally I am in the mood for whatever you're hungry for. Of course, as long as it falls into the above food groups. I'm a giver!

SEX DRIVE
I am usually up for sex at anytime. I prefer the sex of having sex, not the love of love making. I prefer to be throat fucked then to do a lick-around. I prefer to get sweaty and loud and mess up the bed and let the neighbors know that in our otherwise dysfunctional relationship, we have the healthiest sex life on the block. When in doubt as to if I'll do something, I'll do it.

HOUSEKEEPING
I like to keep a clean house. I will be responsible for this duty, as long as we are clear on the following. I will not clean a shower that you have habitually masturbated in day after day. This violates my personal code as you should not be jerking off every day. If you are jerking off every day, I need to find you another girlfriend. See SEX DRIVE and anything goes.
I will guarantee you clean fresh clothes, ironed and pressed. I will make sure all the blue clothes stay blue and the white clothes stay white. You will never have to worry about wearing pink socks or unders while dating me. I will wash all the dishes by hand if you choose not to provide me a dishwasher. If you prefer not to provide me with a dishwasher, I will expect something else as compensation for my troubles with your dried, crusty food, such as a boxer or a new car. I will settle for something smaller, such as a good stinky bag of ganja. Which of course, I will then share with you, take advantage of you, and looky there - the neighbors are becoming jealous again, because of course being high makes me want to fuck.

HYGIENE
If you expect to gain access to my pants, I expect you to shower. I do not mind a hardworking man's sweaty balls, however, your dick must be clean. If I sense that it is not, you will not get a chance to go shower in hopes to return and score with me. Next time, hopefully, you will remember this lesson and come prepared. In return for your cleanliness, I offer you a waxed vagina and sparkling fresh body as your playground, anytime you choose to visit it.

GOOD GRACES
If I love you, we will be close, and you will know you are in good with me. If I like you, you will have to show serious effort in order to get into my good graces. All in all, if we are close, I will make you the happiest man alive. If we are not close, you will know it, and you will beg on two knees for my unbridled mercy. God save your soul if you should dishonor me. Even the devil cannot be this kind.

FINANCES
I am an inexpensive woman to keep around. I enjoy small suprises (see orange smoothie from QT for $1.29) and you will not be broke from being in my company. I do not want a diamond, I do not need a new car, and I don't like meat so you don't need to take me out for surf and turf. In return for all that I will give you as a girlfriend / significant other, the cost to you is quite minimal. I have no stipulations on how you spend your money, as you've earned it, you should spend it so.

PETS
My two housecats (and one day my own boxer) will be living with us. They may end up on the bed, in which case you may be forced to snuggle next to me (see MOODS) or hug the smallest corner of the bed, so as my pets are not uncomfortable. You must tolerate and not insult the way I talk to my pets in high pitched squeaky tones and incomprehensible baby talk. My pets are my children, and unless you want to become a full time father of a screaming infant with shitty diapers and daycare costs, let me have my fucking cats and be happy.

A little humor here people. I'd settle for someone CLOSE to this....lol