Not Proud

I have a book called Not Proud. I bought it at the Half Price Bookstore a few years back and it's been sitting on my friend Ben's coffee table ever since. The other night, I nabbed it back into my life.

From the introduction :

"One night more than four years ago, we made a box that we hoped the world would fill. We called this box Notproud.com and we hoped to fill it with sins, transgressions, and regrets. A quarter of a million words later, the box is no longer empty, and we have borne witness to the best and the worst of human behavior. The religious, the spiritual, the pragmatic, and the irreverent have all dropped by, donating moments of their lives to the testament you hold in your hands."

The book is cut into chapters; Pride, Envy, Sloth, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Anger, Misc.

Excerpt from Pride : "If I walk up to a urinal to take a leak and there's a guy at the urinal next to me, I'll make sure to pee into a hole in the bottom of the urinal so my pee sounds louder and it seems like I have a bigger cock. Thats just what I do."

Excerpt from Envy : "I envy the innocence and ignorance of babies. One time when I was seven, I watched my eight month old baby brother sleeping quietly, and I slapped him, just so he would need me."

Excerpt from Sloth : "A few years ago I tried committing suicide. There was a hook on my ceiling, and so I made a noose and put one end around my neck. The other was attached to this hook. I jumped off a chair and the hook came flying out of the ceiling. I was too lazy to try again. Sums up my life really."

Excerpt from Gluttony : "When I was a teenager I drank twelve sixteen-ounce bottles of RC Cola just to see if I could win a price in the fucking cap. I won nothing and got diarrhea."

Excerpt from Greed : "For three years I worked as a receptionist at a church's office. From the day I was hired to the day I left, I stole between four hundred and five hundred dollars from the collection plate."

Excerpt from Lust : "I cheated on my boyfriend with a friend's husband. He needed it, I needed it, and better he be with me than some stranger. No one need know. It was just one night. But the thought has crossed my mind..."His wedding ring has been inside of me.""

Excerpt from Anger : "My girlfriend cheated on me with a cop. I went to a hunting store and bought a bottle of deer urine. I poured it into the heater vent of his patrol car. I understand that the city is going to declare his car a total loss. Seems they can't get the smell out."

Misc Excerpt : "I once was cleaning out my fish tank with one of those suction hose devices and I accidentally sucked out the eyeball of one of my goldfishes. It lived and is still today swimming around with a giant hollowed out hole in the side of its head."

Peering in on the trials and tribulations of others is an intriguing, unsettling, and at times, very comforting activity. They allow us to see that where we are could have been much worse.

Good luck with the demons in your own closet.